"… neither reveals nor conceals"

23 February, 2009

Everything comes to me

Filed under: Internal life — Loxias @ 12:09 am

Here in the claustrophobia of my island exile I have finally learned one thing, a thing that has quietly brought me to the threshold of moving one level up, in the process of leaving behind the usual dual me. Whatever happens, however painful, acrid and bitter, it can bring with it something new and welcome and fresh, a new edge for oneself and the world to reflect on. The old platitude seems to be at work here: we are created and reinvented by constraints and within the space they define. This is not stoicism, this is what I should have known better: I would have avoided unnecessary suffering.

As I wrote two years ago, without fully appreciating it: cunctando regitur mundus. You don’t have to wait in stillness and meditation, just to hold your ground.

15 February, 2009

I don’t know what more to ask for, I was given just one wish

Filed under: Internal life, Outpost life, Reviews, Video — Loxias @ 7:33 pm

I tried both a steam bath and sauna yesterday. The steam bath felt like Dixie meets Riyadh, my own personal definition of hell: 100% humidity and unbearable heat. I was cooking in steam, breathing it in as if I were veg. Maybe it was the wrong kind of steam bath. Maybe I was in “the wrong state of mind”, you know like when you smoke weed and nothing happens. Instead of relaxing (amazing how everyone seems to ask you to relax, from dentists to doctors, from parents to lovers, to colleagues: no I can’t relax; I am a worrier. That’s why I care. That’s why I look after you and myself and everyone. If I was the relaxing guy I wouldn’t care, I wouldn’t be here, would I?), I eventually rushed out of the steam bath to the shower gasping for air.

Then I tried the sauna. Much better. Smell of wood. Nice. Relaxing sounds and light patterns. Ooh. No steam. Relaxing. Good for meditation, too (yes, I know what most saunas are for this side of the Baltic). Much more bearable. So, once more, in my book at least, Ottomans 0 Scandinavians 1. I stayed in the sauna until I was breathing in fiery air (curiously there was no water to create some steam). To the shower and back to the sauna. Then I joined Jod in the pool.

Dinner was terrifyingly good. This being the Outpost, it was plentiful, too. If this is Chinese haute cuisine, I would rather stick with haute. Although I cannot afford it. And you must book two months in advance, or something.

Which is all a tangential way to say what a wonderful break we had yesterday, complete with walking on the beach in the rain — and with whatever else there is.

2 February, 2009

Flying back

Filed under: Outpost life — Loxias @ 12:49 am

As ever, the toughest time when flying back to the Outpost from the Home City is when approaching the check-in desk in the Home City International terminal. The ear first catches snippets of loud lively, usually inane, accented talk among the Outposters queuing up. Then their all being grossly dressed up and done to a tee visually registers. Then you notice their colossal suitcases, crammed with shopping from the Home City — as if this is not bloody Dubai, shopping-wise at least. Then there are the odd bits and pieces, such as screaming kids being screamed at, perfect-hair made-up peasant ladies addressing the check-in clerk in the singular of village casualness (hey, we’re all Compatridos, after all, ah?), couples losing their way inside the linearly arranged terminal.

Waiting to board the plane at the gate uneasiness grows, as you can now hear the agitated talk growing in volume and commonplace inanity, you can also see the local celebrities (back from a valedictory Home City weekend) cruising in. Moreover, once inside the plane, there will always be two or three guys shouting at someone they know (we all know each other here, right?) and have just noticed, while very short women in very high boots struggle to stuff abnormally oversized pieces of cabin luggage inside the overhead lockers.

Sometimes, upon arriving, all you want to do is rapidly escape indoors, to the somber silence of your flat, ignoring the barren and hot and humid and ugly and stinking expanse of outdoors between the pressurised plane cabin and the sanctuary of home.

Sometimes, however, like today, the day is cool and bright, the mountains look almost pretty in the distance, the sea is of many hues and colours, the barren hills north of the airport are green with ephemeral grass. So, you drive to the beach instead, abandoned and peaceful, to gaze at the grey and turquoise sea that separates you from Gaza strip, Sinai and Egypt. Sometimes, like today, this brings you peace.

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