Navel gazing

My Adoptive Sister (in reality my oldest friend), who travelled all the way to the Outpost to see us last weekend, reminded me on the phone half an hour ago we have known each other for 21 years. This is a long time. Walking back from the gym, a whiff of jasmin flowers caught my nose (rather than the other way round) and I remembered Jorge’s One Girlfriend, the night she became Jorge’s girlfriend after having been diverted to him by yours truly: I helped her make up her mind by suggesting it was Jorge who was really interested in her; also, I was back then madly in love with the Unstable Ballerina — but this is material for a novel of mad passions, immature characters, lots of embarrassment and some improbable sex, not for this enlightened forum of Truth and Freedom :-p

In trying to persuade me to be her man, Jorge’s One Girlfriend talked to me about me as a darkly attractive guy; as someone who looks ordinary until he opens his mouth (not to yawn, but to speak) to immediately become a spider that ensnares by the mere charm of his words; as a mysterious creature who is even more so by hiding this ‘mystery thing’. No, we were not on serious drugs — just a little wine, if I remember correctly 😉

If the above sounds weird, whether you know me or not, imagine how weird it sounded to me — and still does. Dark? Mysterious? Charming? Me? Nevertheless, it came from someone who knew me fairly well (Jorge being, well, in the closet back then, it would take him months of vacillation and endless discussions and hanging out with me and his One Girlfriend before he would propose to her — well, he never did, she did at that very night and they stayed together until he made up his mind).

Ever since I have been continually preoccupied with what people see in me, how they see me, but maybe in a fashion slightly more intense than this happens for most people. I usually feel misunderstood, although sometimes I am up for pleasant surprises. Ever since Being John Malkovich I have wondered how it would be like to be someone else for a little while, just enough to know how they really see me.

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