Introretrospective

Because my work intermeshes with my daily life, there is hardly ever a way to tell when one ends and where the other begins. I am not complaining. It’s just that, whenever I need to relax, work is never far away. And my work being what it is, even relaxing from it can be abstract, introspective and speculative — sometimes all three at the same time together.

Tonight at elevenish, having half-finished a major piece of work and having half-begun a minor one, I discovered by accident (some random Turkish guy, who somehow ended up in my friend list, posted a video on facebook) a song released in 1971 and therefore having served as part of the soundtrack of my very early years. It is a beautiful song, only now have I noticed the words or the fact that it is sung by Baez (a voice who haunted my childhood singing the then inexplicably sad Donna Donna). After more than thirty years. Discovering (I will not say ‘rediscovering’) the song fits very smoothly into a mood of introspection and digging into my childhood and adolescence and partly reinventing them. Up until recently, I would perceive the first twenty years of my life as a happy and inconsequential mash, with only my late adolescence constantly feeling like a total and utter disaster. During the last year or so I have been going back to details, the people, the recurring themes, the moments, the nuances, the hidden disasters, tensions and problems.

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